For the final installment of
this last year’s holiday posts, I’m sticking with the timeless tradition of examining the real meaning of Christmas: presents. Over the years, Christmas has gone from a holiday about togetherness and goodwill to a pricey gift bonanza comprised of miniature ponies and the latest tech accessories. Or worse — a gift bonanza primarily consisting of plastic gifts that were made by tiny children (for tiny children!) and cost under $10 apiece. Some parents (and grandparents) are determined to buy so much cheap shit for their kids/grandkids, they’ve essentially filled their homes with massive piles of garbage toys. Many suburban houses are just privately owned landfills festooned with mountains of disposable, brightly colored junk.
Forget about the fact that kids usually get bored of their toys within 72 hours of playing with them (particularly when they have 300 other toys to play with). The types of parents who freak out about not purchasing a popular item by December 24th or who relish in showering their kids with several sleighs’ worth of gifts are the same types who frequently document their lives on Facebook and Instagram. Every Christmas is another opportunity to prove how “blessed” or devoted to their children they are (i.e. “Did you see how much awesome crap my kids got? Even more than last year!”). The thing I really don’t understand is the 'Wall of Toys' photos some parents post, either to humbly say ‘thank you’ (to gift-giving friends, relatives, and the big man upstairs for making this Christmas a super phat one), OR to say ‘HAHA BITCHES!! You WISH your kids got this much shit for Christmas!’, which, one could argue, is more often than not the case. It’s weird, and sometimes you can’t find their children in the pictures. Baby Raiden may be a toddler now, but that only means his parents probably buy bigger (and more) stuff! That’s just how some people roll.
Let’s check out some examples:
1. Toy Stress
Sorry, Lauren. That feeling you’re experiencing is not death, it’s a suffocating form of consumerism that causes parents to believe their kids won’t love them if they don’t buy them expensive gaming consoles for Christmas. Unfortunately, the only way to shake this feeling is by volunteering at a soup kitchen, homeless shelter, or food bank, preferably with the kid(s) in tow. That sounds VERY un-Christmas-y and extremely boring, but it’s true. Selflessness is the cure for PS4-induced panic attacks, because that is how this cruel and fucked-up world works. It’s practically torture. It’s worse than Craigslist, MAYBE even worse than paying hundreds of dollars for expensive headphones and getting tuna cans instead. But the trade-off is that you’ll probably avoid getting a knife pulled on you when your kid doesn’t get what he wants for Christmas several years down the road, so in that sense it’s kinda worth it.
2. Hilarious Toddler Christmas
You know what they say: Toddlers are nature’s divas! Lolololol J.’s daughter is such an adorable little queen. “Get the hell out of here.” “Aww, it’s almost a baby toy ;(” Lmao, SO funny and cute. When little kids start sassing everyone at such a young age, all you can do is laugh! Haha. Merry Christmas everyone.